When people find out that my boyfriend and I have been together since freshman year, they usually have one of two reactions. Either they’re convinced we’re going to get married, or they’re convinced we’re eventually going to break up.
I think both reactions miss the point.
The strangest part of being in a long-term high school relationship isn’t worrying about whether you’ll last forever (which yes that too). It’s realizing that you’re trying to build a relationship while both people are constantly changing.
When we started dating, we were fourteen years old. We had different friends, different interests, different priorities, different ideas on how a relationship should be and honestly, different personalities. Four years later, we’re still together, but we’re also completely different people than we were when we first met.
That’s what nobody really talks about when it comes to high school sweethearts. Everyone expects change when it comes to themselves. We all know we’re supposed to grow up, figure out who we are, and make plans for our futures. What people don’t talk about is how difficult it can be to watch someone else go through that same process while trying to maintain a relationship with them.
As high school students, we’re constantly changing friend groups, discovering new interests, applying to colleges, and trying to figure out what we want our lives to look like. It’s already confusing enough to navigate your own identity. Adding another person’s growth into the equation makes things even more complicated.
I’ve realized that growing up together doesn’t mean staying exactly the same. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s learning how to support someone even when they’re changing. It’s learning how to make room for new goals, new interests, and new versions of each other.
I think part of the reason people are so obsessed with high school sweethearts is because they seem to go against what we expect from adolescence. High school is supposed to be a time of change. We’re constantly told to explore new interests, meet new people, and figure out who we want to become. In a way, that’s what makes long-term teenage relationships so special. It’s not that two people managed to stay together despite change,it’s that they had to learn how to navigate that change together. Every new friendship, future plan, or personal discovery has the potential to affect the relationship, which makes growing up alongside someone else both rewarding and incredibly difficult.
And yes, while I understand why people are fascinated by long-term high school relationships like mine, I’ve developed a bit of a love-hate relationship with that attention. I appreciate the people who root for us, but I’ve also experienced the comments from people,especially adults, who seem convinced that young relationships are destined to fail. Surprisingly, both reactions come with their own challenges. The doubt we faced, especially in the beginning, was frustrating, but it also motivated us to prove people wrong. At the same time, the encouragement and excitement from others created a different kind of pressure: the feeling that we had to stay together because everyone expected us to. While that pressure didn’t define our relationship, I can see how it could keep some teenagers in relationships that no longer make them happy. Sometimes the expectation to become a success story can be just as overwhelming as the expectation to fail.
Maybe that’s why I think people focus too much on whether high school relationships last. The more interesting question is what it means to grow alongside someone during one of the most chaotic and transformative periods of your life.
And possibly, years from now, when people hear the phrase “high school sweethearts,” they’ll only think about whether the relationship lasted. But when I think about it, I’ll remember something else entirely. I’ll remember what it was like to grow up alongside someone. To witness all the awkward, confusing, exciting changes that come with becoming a person. Seeing the person that’s been by my side this whole time become an intelligent, honest and loving young adult. and to have someone witness them too. And honestly, I think that’s a much more interesting story than whether we make it to the finish line.
