I’ll just be real with you, this was more of a porridge rather than a soup considering how thick it was. This soup was so thick I though it underwent plastic surgery. Making this soup with an immersion blender nearly gave me burns with more degrees than a Ph.D.

Ingredients:

• Butternut Squash
• Sweet Potato (I thought it was going to be orange inside)
• 2 Carrots
• Ginger
• Garlic
• Onion
• Paprika
• Salt
• 5 eggs
• Olive Oil
• Heavy Cream (I only had milk on deck)
• Vegetable Stock

Cooking Time: Why did this take me 5 hours to make?

Instructions:

1. Peel the sweet potato and then cube it
2. Cut the top and bottom off the squash
3. Cut the squash lengthwise and then slice it like a watermelon. If you slice your watermelons lengthwise then you really need to change your technique because that just seems like an inconvenience.
4. On the edge of the slices, peel the rind with the knife and cube the squash too
5. Dice 1 onion
6. Slice 2-3 garlic cloves
7. Peel and slice ginger
8. Do the same with the carrots
9. Heat up a puddle of olive oil in a pot on medium flame
10. Once hot enough, throw in the garlic, ginger and onions to infuse the oil
11. Once infused, insert the rest of the vegetables to soften. Don’t even think about putting water in there, that’s how news headlines are born.
12. Once the vegetables get soft enough and enough of the oil is evaporated, you can pour in some vegetable broth, and then eventually all of it once you realize how long it’s taking for these things to really get fork tender.
13. Now that the vegetables are softer, use your immersion blender on the lowest setting just to see how safe it is.
14. Wait, I forgot to mention the part where you season it with paprika and salt
15. Now that you’ve noticed how viscous this soup is, add the heavy cream in an attempt to introduce moisture into the mix
16. Good thing I got this blender; hopefully, it’s runnier
17. Now, add some water as a last resort to hopefully make it runnier
18. Now that that seemed to do the trick, crack a couple eggs in there for no other reason than just for the texture of it
19. Just turn off the stove at this point and call it a day because I lost a fraction of my sanity trying to cook this thing

And there you have it. After several hours of hopefully not injuring yourself, you got this incredibly viscous soup. Now time to replenish those wasted calories making this with the soup. Never again am I making this soup.