This is What Love is Not

Michelle Crespo

This is what love is not.

Love is not an obligation. It is a given. No, it’s not meant to be heavy. It is not meant to be secretive. It is not hiding nor compromising a part of yourself just to make the other happy.

You cannot complete each other nor can they complete you. You need to be complete first. The first step to love is the love that stems from you to yourself. How well do you treat and respect yourself? If you cannot face and love yourself, how will you love and accept another?

Trust me, love isn’t meant to be this heavy. It is not possession. You do not belong to them; you are just with

them. Jealousy, Envy, Narcissism- these are not aspects of Love. No, it doesn’t mean that they are just so “protective” or “care” so much about you. It is an unhealthy projection of hurt and abandonment. This hurt passes into you whether you realize it or not.

Love isn’t supposed to weigh you down. It is supposed to inspire you. Lift you up- make you want to grow. There is a difference between love and attachment. Are you comfortable alone? Do you need someone to fill a void? This is so important.

Do you feel the need to constantly tell your significant other who and where you are with at all times? Does your partner frequently spam you if you don’t text for a while? Do you feel bad or guilty whenever you are not with your partner? If you said yes to ANY of these questions, these are all red flags and lead to manipulation. I know you may think “this could never be me” or “he/she would never do this on purpose;” but it doesn’t hurt to have an open conversation about how this makes you feel. Difficult conversations may be tough but they are necessary and ultimately are the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. Trust and communication are what makes or breaks your partnership.

A loving relationship should feel supported and grounded. Your partner shouldn’t ask for your phone password or to look through your messages because that trust is a given. If you can’t trust, don’t be in that relationship in the first place. Truly, the person who you choose to be your significant other plays a HUGE role in your mental health which is why it is important to focus on your self worth and love first above all. Find someone who will support you and grow with you, instead of stunting your growth.

You deserve to be happy whether it is with just yourself or with your significant other! If you are not feeling happy due to loneliness, harsh times, or relationship issues, it is okay and it is encouraged to speak up. Whether it be with a family member, friend, teacher, guidance counselor, your partner, or anyone you trust- do not keep it all in. Trusting others is important but the most essential thing is to trust YOURSELF! Trust your gut feelings or intuition, trust any red flags, trust in what you believe is right. You are strong and powerful and you get to choose the path for your life and you are in control of your fate!

Sources:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-warning-signs-of-emotional-abuse-in-relationships/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201407/10-relationship-red-flags